My brother Doug isn’t like me at all. I say too much, I write too much. I am too much. My regular readers know that. I’m over the top. Wish I weren’t, but I am. :/
But not Duggie. He is acerbic. And funny. (In our family if you weren’t funny, you were just grist to the mill. We’d eat you up.)
The dog he and my niece had since she was little died last year, and he sent out an email about. I saved it because it WAS Homus, and it was beautiful.
I love beautiful writing. And never dreamed Duggie would bother. But he did.
Everybody loved Homey. Such a sweet boy. Possibly not the smartest dog ever. But who cares?
Duggie called the piece:
A Good Dog
A good dog will learn to scale any fence be it chain link, 6’ cedar, stone wall etc… if given the opportunity and the challenge.
A good dog will help clean up after a late-night moving-in party, finish all the half-drinks and snacks left lying about, eat an entire Pepsi can, pass it the next morning naturally…(or as naturally as dogly possible) and still look for another can shortly thereafter (just because beer and soda cans are yummy).
A good dog will sneak over the fence, into a neighbor’s doggy door (a half a mile away), spend the day on their couch (with their dog) and sneak out just as the neighbor gets home from work for over a week until he was caught red-handed on the couch by the neighbor.
A good dog will eat Astroturf door mats and use the accomplishment as a “cleansing” experience.
A good dog will get in trouble for doing very bad things but still be happy to see you 8 seconds later. (sometimes sooner…never longer)
A good dog will somehow miraculously catch wild healthy birds…eat only their heads and bring the prized carcass back for Dad by the back door (where the Astroturf doormat used to be)
A good dog will eat his 6 year old human sister’s toy make-up just because it smelled like her and he missed her when she was at school.
A good dog will eat a hole in an aluminum kiddy pool just on a triple dog dare from another dog.
A good dog will be excited to go in the car no matter if he is sick, cold, wet or hungry…It’s a CAR RIDE for heaven’s sake! Everything else is secondary!
A good dog will take an entire day to chew through a 4×4 sundeck post to get off his expensive and fancy new $300 cable run…only to find out he’s chosen the wrong post to chew through…and there were only two choices. Brilliance is not a good dog’s strong suit.
A good dog will open, inspect and taste-test ANY Christmas present under the tree late at night when not a creature is stirring except him…if it smells interesting.
A good dog will love his Vet even tho he HATES going to the vet’s office (but it does involve a car ride)
A good dog WILL go on a poop strike if Dad didn’t clean up the yard in a timely and methodical manner.
A good dog will promptly and secretly clean up his human uncle’s Jack & Coke spill, then hurl everything he acquired during the party two hours later and then sleep till 11 am the next day. (but still be interested in the spot where the original J&C spill occurred) This confirmed he had Lee blood somewhere in his heritage without the use of DNA testing.
A good dog will leap from a 2nd floor window thinking it was on ground level…do a couple hard rolls on concrete and come back inside having learned a valuable lesson; to look out windows before jumping.
A good dog, no matter how old will be embarrassed if he had an accident in the house…even if his Dad was not mad.
A good dog will ALWAYS eat a plain McDonalds hamburger (no onions, catsup or mustard) and drink some beer even when he won’t eat anything else.
A good dog will love anyone that will pet him.
Homus was a very VERY good dog.
Homus G Lee~ aka Homey, HG, H, G, Homey-G, The G-man, Homer, Home-Boy, The Ladies Man, Hummus, Pummus and an unknown amount of other nick names
Born approximately July 3, 1993 (unconfirmed).
Adopted July 3, 1994.
Died at 17 years old at “ten to the hour” of 5:00 pm Sunday May 2, 2010.
Give your dog a pet for him…if you don’t have a dog…just do something nice and unexpected for someone you love in honor of HG. I will be petting Nickie on the head and scratching behind her ears tonight as soon as I get home.
You are missed, Homey. Especially, I think, by your dad.
What do you think makes a good dog good?